if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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