I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
