I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My balls are so social today.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
