I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize