part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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