Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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