So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
