My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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