The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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