oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
