It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
