1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
