I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
