im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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