Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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