Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize