unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
