You're so nebulous sometimes
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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