This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
foreskin is a definite game changer
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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