What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
only if we run a train.
done.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
