hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
