Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize