please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
