Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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