me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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