And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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