He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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