you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
