apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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