I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
