i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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