wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
