Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
