Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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