O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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