Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
