my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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