So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
