if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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