I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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