Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
