I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize