I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
