mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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