where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
