Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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