your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
