I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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