It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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