i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
