dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
