i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
