I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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