if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
