I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
third nipple confirmed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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