Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
