Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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