I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize