Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
