He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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