I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
