Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
