just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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