1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
