Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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