My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
PANTIES FOUND
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