Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
