Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
