Umm I'm too high to move.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
