I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He did a backflip because drugs
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