I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
