Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
