Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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