There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
