This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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