Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
