I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize