everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
