i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
