Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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