xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
