I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
