I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
