Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
