So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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