You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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