im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
