This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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