just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
