Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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