even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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