Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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