I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
