now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
