the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
