Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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