peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
