cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
