we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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